I was in my backyard on Thursday morning November 21st when
all of a sudden I felt something trickle out of me. I was so confused
because it felt like I had just peed myself a little, but I had no control of
it... I told my grandma that I thought my water had just broke... but I wasn't
completely sure. My son’s head was
pushing down on my bladder quite a bit of the time so I wasn’t sure if it was
amniotic fluid or if I was going to the bathroom! I called Blossom Birth Center and talked
to Nichelle to see what I should do. She told me to try and lay down for
a bit, get some rest, and to then stand up and see what happens. She said
that if it was amniotic fluid, then it would likely continue to leak when I
stood up and that is how I could tell the difference. I laid down for a
bit, stood up, and nothing happened. I
figured there was just a lot of pressure down there because he was positioned
so low. But then... it happened a couple
more times throughout the next few hours, but just enough to drive me
completely crazy wondering if I was going to the bathroom or not. I was
also experiencing some cramping and light contractions, but they were minor
enough and far apart enough that I wasn't sure if it was truly labor.
Grammy and I headed down to the Blossom early Thursday evening so that
Nichelle could check and see if it was amniotic fluid. Soon after,
Nichelle confirmed that it was amniotic fluid and that my body would probably
naturally go into labor within the next 12 hours or so. Best news EVER!!!
She also checked to see if there was a visible head and determined from
what she saw that there must have just been a very small tear in the bag of
waters. I was so relieved that 1) I wasn't going crazy peeing my pants
and 2) THIS WAS IT!! IT WAS HAPPENING!! IT WAS BABY TIME!!!!
As soon as we got home, things started to kick into gear. A very
dear friend had brought us over some dinner, and as we all ate dinner my sister
downloaded a contraction app on her phone so we could start timing them!
At this point the contractions were about 5-6 minutes apart and I was
talking through them with minimal effort. My instructions from Nichelle
were to eat a big dinner, rest, and get as much sleep as possible until things
kicked into gear. I ate dinner, took a bath, and my grandma gave me a
massage so I could try and relax before bed.
Everyone went to bed... myself included... except... yeah, you guessed
it, I couldn't sleep very well! The contractions were getting more intense and
more frequent, and around 10:30pm I just couldn't lay down anymore. I had
gone to the bathroom a few times and it hurt more to lay down through
contractions. I went to wake up my husband, Scott, but he seemed to be in
such a deep sleep that I didn't want to wake him! I felt like I was doing
fine laboring on my own, and I decided to blow up my labor ball. Scott
woke up as I was pumping up the ball which is the point that I realized things
were getting pretty serious. When he asked me what I was doing, a
contraction came on that I really had to focus through. He, of course,
asked why I didn't wake him sooner. I
told him I didn't want to bother waking him, as I was thinking it was going to
be a long labor like my first labor was! In addition, I told him I felt
like the contractions were not very close together. After timing a few contractions, Scott told
me that the contractions were actually about 3-4 minutes apart! Scott
thought we should to go to the birth center, but I was so comfortable at home,
I really wanted to stay a bit longer. I didn't get to labor much at home
with my first, and this is something I really wanted to do this time.
Scott sat with me and coached me through contractions for a couple hours
helping me to relax. Even though I was in pain, there was a part of me
that was really enjoying being with him that late at night, just the two of us,
working on a project together that was so big, important, and worthwhile!!
He sat in a chair, and I went back and forth between the labor ball,
sitting, laying down, pelvic rocking, and standing, trying to find a more
comfortable way to go through each contraction. He was really good about
encouraging me, seeing where the tension was in my body, and encouraging me to
relax and release that tension wherever he felt or saw it.
After an hour or so, I decided I wanted to lay down on the couch
downstairs. Scott helped me to relocate,
and he sat on the floor holding my hand, encouraging me gently with birth
affirmations and coaching me through a few more contractions. Things
started to get more intense and I started to feel a little nauseous! Minutes later, after a pretty difficult and
longer contraction, I decided it was definitely time to call Nichelle again! Scott
gave her an update as to what was going on, and she promptly told us it was
time to come in! Like immediately... I asked Scott to grab our puke bucket just in
case, the car was loaded up, and we were on our way!
I was dreading the car ride, as I knew all the bumps would send me
through the roof, but I didn't really consider the walk out to the car!
It was raining, and freezing cold! I started shaking a bit from the
cold air and continued to feel a bit nauseous. In the back of my head I
wondered if I was close to transition but shook away the thought thinking it
was way too soon for that. Every bump along the freeway was quite
uncomfortable as we made our way to Blossom on the dark, wet freeway. My
grandma held my hand and put her arm around me in the backseat as I worked my
way through a few more contractions on the way there.
I believe we arrived somewhere around 2:30am. When I got there, Nichelle
confirmed with a quick ultrasound that our baby boy was still head down, and
then we made our way into the birthing suite. I wanted to use the same room
and tub as I had with my daughter’s birth, and we decided that it would be a
good idea to go ahead and get in the tub. And by the tub, I mean.... the
huge Jacuzzi pool complete with jets and the whole works! I LOVE THAT TUB
SO MUCH!!! Anyway! Nichelle told me to get undressed and had Scott
get in his bathing suit. She asked Scott to lie down in the tub with his
back against the side, and had me lay down sideways in his arms with my head on
his chest. She turned off the lights, lit some candles for us, and had
everyone leave the room except for the two of us. We also turned on our birth mix, which was a
variety of gentle worship music and relaxing piano melodies.
Things heated up pretty quickly after that... and not just because I
was in a giant Jacuzzi tub in the dark with candles, cuddling with my husband!
We kissed in between contractions and he held me tight. We could hear the sound of the rain pitter-pattering
on the skylight above us just over the soft music in the background. It was truly beautiful! I felt SO
comfortable and safe in his arms, and even though I was in a lot of pain, I was
enjoying the process of what was happening. Don't get me wrong, the
contractions hurt, but again, us working together as a team to bring our son
into this world... the pain was totally worth it! And the beauty of being
in that position was that Scott and I were more intimately connected. He
could sense where I was tensing up to help me to relax more and could whisper softly
talk into my ear. I felt like we were in our own little universe, and I
was definitely in labor land at this point.
The contractions picked up pretty quickly after that and I just went
to a different world. They became pretty intense, but I just focused as
much as I could on relaxing. With every contraction I pictured my son
moving down further and further, and I focused on surrendering everything, letting
go of all control, and listening to my body.
I moved my hips back and forth (suggestion from Nichelle) and pictured
my cervix opening more and more with each contraction. It was really
awesome to be able to feel what was happening inside my body. I was so
much more aware this time of what was happening than I was with my first birth.
One of the best parts about this labor experience is that I wasn't as afraid of
the pain this time, or of what was to come. I knew what contractions felt
like, and I wasn't afraid to surrender to the pain. I was truly able to
just relax into each contraction. I wasn't thinking about whether or not
it was going to get worse, or how long I would be in labor, I simply just took
each contraction as it came, and focused on my little boy wriggling out with
each contraction. I kept telling myself "open, open, relax, relax,
let him come, let him come.”
In the mean time, my grandma kept me fed and hydrated, and Scott was
coaching me to take deep abdominal breaths. After a few deep abdominal
breaths, my body shuddered a bit and I felt our little man move down a little.
After another deep tummy breath, I suddenly felt the urge to push!!
I was really excited about this because I didn't really feel the urge to
push with my daughter, and I felt like it was a bit of a stumbling block for
me. With my first labor, I think I was trying to force my body to push
before I was ready, so with my son, I was determined to just listen to my body
and do what it was telling me, no matter what. If I felt like pushing, I
was going to push, and if not, I would wait as long as it took until I felt
that urge. I didn't want to push my body to go farther than it was ready
to. Scott later told me that I started grunting and bearing down and
asked if it was okay to push. Nichelle told me I was dilated to a 6 or 7,
but that the cervix was very thin and melting away quickly. That number
was kind of funny to me when she said it, but didn't make a bit of a difference
to me because I knew he was ready to come out! She said that I was open
and if I wanted to push, then to push. Right before the next contraction
started, I heard a song from the worship music I had put on our music playlist.
"Jesus, you are
stronger, more than any other, hallelujah, what a savior..."
I prayed for God to give me strength, tuned in to my body's cues, and let
my body take over. I allowed my "wild beast to come out" as my
midwife, Mary, had told me during my labor with my daughter. In that moment, I arched my back and felt like
I went all amazon woman! It felt so cool
to just let my body respond as it wanted to. My body really did know what
to do. I just had to let it do its thing! SO. COOL. Nichelle
said I could reach down and feel the head. Touching that little head was
all the incentive I needed. He was RIGHT THERE! Scott told me that
I then said "Ohhhhh, baby, I love this part" which is really funny to
me considering how much it hurts to push a baby out, but in any case, I knew I
was at the finish line. I just felt so much more in tune with my body
this time around, and it was an incredible feeling. Within a few minutes and a few pushes, I felt
him come all the way out. All of a
sudden, there was a warm, little, naked baby on my chest. Ohhhh, that
sweet blissful moment. There is nothing like meeting your child for the
first time!!
“Hiiiii baby boy!!!”
I looked down at that sweet
little face and immediately thought he looked like such a little man! I
double checked under the towel just to make sure! Yep, he was alllllll
boy!! Such a handsome little fella! I looked at my sweet husband
who was still holding me and there was just a whoooole lotta joy happening in
those moments… Kissing, tears, laughter, and all things beautiful in this
world. Welcome to the world Mr. Liam Scott Van Sande!!!!!
WOW! It had all happened so quick! I don't think any of us
expected it to go that fast (except for maybe Nichelle who had always told us
that the second one often comes a lot faster). What a whirlwind!!
So much to process so fast! We had just arrived at the birth center
an hour or so before that!
I do have to include a bit of the after part as well because it is my
second favorite part after the sweet, warm, baby cuddles on my chest right
after he came out. Nichelle had everyone leave again so that Scott and I and
Liam could just be alone together in bed. We lowered the lights and just fawned
over our sweet boy. It was such a
special time! Soon after that, things quieted down and we all tried to
get some sleep.
Yeah right, sleep... ha. Everyone else fell asleep... not me...
I just stared at my sweet little boy and husband lying next to me. There
was a large stained glass window behind us and the streetlights and full moon
shone in from behind us. The rain was still coming down gently outside and
I could again hear it pitter-patter on the skylight from the bathroom. The
music was still on from earlier and I heard the most perfect song for that
moment. I literally have never listened to the words of this song before,
I just threw it on the playlist because it was a gentle slow song and I liked
the melody... but seriously how perfect is this... here are the lyrics…
Looking at Her Face
-Tyrone Wells
Now how did I get here?
What have I done to deserve this?
I have been showered by grace
It's a beautiful night
It's a glorious day
When I'm looking at <his> face
I'm closing the curtains
To keep the night in
The morning is coming too soon
< He> is still sleeping
And I
I'm still awake
Just looking at <his> face
Now how did I get here?
What have I done to deserve this?
I have been showered by grace
It's a beautiful night
It's a glorious day
More than just beauty
The something inside
I see in <his> face
Shines in <his> eyes
All that I want
For the rest of my life
Every night that I sleep
Every morning I wake
Is to be looking at <his> face
Now how did I get here?
What have I done to deserve this?
I have been showered by grace
It's a beautiful night
It's a glorious day
When I'm looking at <his> face
It's a beautiful night
It's a glorious day
When I'm looking at <his> face
It's a beautiful night
It's a glorious day
When I'm looking at <his> face.
Tears streaming down my face, I gazed at my two boys. My
handsome, sweet, loving husband who was there for me every step of the
way, and my new little son all wrapped up, naked in a towel, just hours
old.
I thought, “What did I do to
deserve this? Can I stay in this moment forever?” All I could
pray is "Thank you, thank you, thank
you, Lord. Thank you for my sweet baby boy. Thank you for my amazing
husband. I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing gift but
thank you, Father. Thank you for all you have blessed me with."
I let the tears come. They rolled down my face as I basked in
the warmth of the two sweet bodies next to me and the miracle of what had
just occurred. I am SO incredibly thankful to Dr. Nichelle Whitehead
and the whole amazing team at Blossom Birth and Wellness Center for giving me
two amazing birth experiences and delivering my two sweet children safely and
happily into this world.
Welcome
to the world, Mr. Liam Scott!!!
